Fourteen Annoying Tech Types

14 Annoying Tech Types

14 Annoying Tech Types
by Dan Reilly (RSS feed) — Sep 8th 2009 at 2:21PM
Though technology generally makes our lives better, it can also turn us into idiots. Inspired by Blue Tools -- those people who never remove their wireless headsets -- we've compiled a list of personality types who irritate by misusing gadgets and the Internet in ways that are mean, rude, or simply clueless.Are we stereotyping a bit? Sure, but ultimately, we're here to help. Recognizing that you have a problem is the first step to recovery. So take that headset off for a moment and ask yourself: "Is this what I've become?" If so, just look up from the screen, turn down the volume, and your friends will be happy to have you back. But first, take a look at 12 types who we think should take their technology and shove it.

1) Who: AccessorizersWhy they're annoying: Features? Better technology? What's that? Like a socialite with a new purse, Accessorizers get the latest cool gadget simply because it's the latest cool gadget.What they're likely to say: "What's 3GS? This is the new iPhone. Isn't it so much cuter than the old one?"
2) Who: Gadget SnobsWhy they're annoying: Unlike Accessorizers, gadget snobs know their stuff intimately and don't always care about having the latest gear. They're more interested in telling you why yours is pathetically antiquated.What they're likely to say: "Nice phone. I think I saw the same model at a flea market last weekend."
3) Who: Connection AddictsWhy they're annoying: Some people can't go more than a few minutes, or seconds, without checking for a new e-mail, text message, or status update.What they're likely to say: "Just give me two secs to check my Facebook feed. Okay?"
4) Who: Luddites Why they're annoying: Luddites begrudge any technology advancement they don't fully understand, such as smartphones and Twitter, without acknowledging the benefits it brings. What they're likely to say: "I don't see why you need Internet on your phone. But...um, can you check the score again?"
5) Who: Gamer GodsWhy they're annoying: Take the Snob and add an ego inflated by success in a made-up world. They'll not only wallop you onscreen, but also insult you in the process.What they're likely to say: "This pathetic newbie needs to get out of here, and I need another Monster energy drink!"
6) Who: Bitter IT Techs Why they're annoying: Though they are supposed to be helpful, these people actually despise you. Your computer or BlackBerry needs -- and your woeful technical incompetence -- are not worthy of their time, which they'd rather spend surfing 'EverQuest' forums. What they're likely to say: "Really? How did you manage to break that?"
7) Who: Smelly Nerds Why they're annoying: Techies who are so out of touch that they don't notice their own B.O. are annoying for two reasons. First, they stink. Second, they perpetuate the "lives in his mother's basement" stereotype that makes all us geeks look bad. What they're likely to say: "Soap? How many WoW gold is that worth?"
8) Who: Arrogant Bloggers Why they're annoying: Simply posting on the Web doesn't make your opinion any more valid. But arrogant bloggers think that referencing a real journalism article and writing a few sarcastic lines makes them "commentators." What they're likely to say: "Simply posting on the Web doesn't make your opinion any more valid..."
9) Who: Old-News FlashersWhy they're annoying: Just because they recently discovered an old Net phenomenon like 'Chocolate Rain' or 'Boom Goes the Dynamite,' Flashers assume that you still haven't. In three years, these folks will tell you to check out 'Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat.'What they're likely to say: "LOL FW: funny! Fwd: Ron, you'll love this. FW: Fwd: Fw: Hilarious video"
10) Who: Twitter-Happy Celebs Why they're annoying: Too enamored with this microblogging thing, some celebrities spew a stream of absurdly personal and banal details -- thinking that their fans actually care.What they're likely to say: From NBA point guard T.J. Ford: "Up early.. Takin' a dump then wash my hands brush my grill & off to be the best PG.. Doubt me if u want. Hard work pays off"
11) Who: Hyper PoliticosWhy they're annoying: They can turn the most benign article, blog entry, or status update into a political argument -- full of poor grammar and spelling.What they're likely to say: "This kittin is cute, not like that Kenyun-born muzlim Owbama.""Only a sychotic Pallin-loving neocon would spuw that garbage about Chris Martin. Coldplay rulez!"
12) Who: Apple-istas Why they're annoying: So invested in the iLifestyle, they consider any non-Apple products to be garbage, and people who buy them to be idiots. (Just as bad are the Apple Deniers, who resist buying any of the brand's products just to prove they aren't lemmings.) What they're likely to say: "Sorry that hard drive crash wiped out all the photos of your child. I guess that's what you get for buying a PC."
13) Who: SleazebagsWhy they're annoying: To sleazes, the Web exists solely for perversion. Their desires fuel the spam industry, and they ruin every social network with slimy come-ons. At their worst, sleazes perpetrate violent crimes and privacy invasions (just ask ESPN's Erin Andrews). What they're likely to say: "Take ur top off."
14) Who: Text-Obsessives Why they're annoying: Why waste time on old-fashioned formalities like talking and listening, Obsessives wonder, when they can just let a call go to voicemail and respond with an SMS that reads "sup?" What they're likely to say: "U wan2 chill l8r? Lmk. Thx."